TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
