I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
