screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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