so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
