from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
