I'm lost and stupid without you.
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
