Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
