What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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