I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
