Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
