I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
