Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I love having hate sex.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
