evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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