I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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