we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
