So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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