in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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