Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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