it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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