Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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