I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
