guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
