I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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