Farmville is her only friend.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
