Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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