My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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