As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
