I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
