My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
id be glad to
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
