I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
