Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
