So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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