nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize