The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
