We named our party play list daddy issues
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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