Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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