I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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