guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
