I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
