you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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