he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
