I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
