I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
