But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I don't deserve a penis
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
