i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
