i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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