Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
