we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
