I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
