Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
