You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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