Are we in a gay sports bar?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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